Walls
by lazywriter123
Summary: Spencer spent 10 years in a mental hospital after his team sent him there. After the first few years, the team stopped visiting. But after tragic loss, Morgan wants to make it right again...so he visits Spencer after seven long years.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Criminal Minds

Spencer's POV

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I sit alone in my small room. The cot was think and uncomfortable, the closet was old and its paint was peeling away, the windows had rusted bars, the small lamp was dusty, the night table was falling apart, and the walls seemed to close in on me. I am lost…lost in my mind…my only friend now.

It's been so long since I've seen the outside. I can hardly remember their faces…the faces of my team…my family. I still remember them when we were all together and happy. I can feel those memories slipping further and further away each day. I still wonder if they think of me. They used to come all the time…but not anymore. They moved on…but I can't…because I'm trapped here.

I still can't believe that it has been ten years since that horrible day…and now look where it took me. I'm alone…abandoned…lost to a world that I'm now dead too. I remember they came to my house and dragged me away. My team just watched…tears in their eyes. I begged them to stop the men from taking me away. I cried for them…screamed…but they did nothing.

My mind is numb now from all the drugs they give me…the countless doctors that tell me it's going to be alright. No it will never be. My heart is dead now…from years of sitting alone. I loved my team once…but not anymore. I sit here…slowly fading away…but it's not happening fast enough for me. Then I remember my mom. Is she still alive…did she miss me…is she still waiting for a letter from me?

A doctor came into my room, he looked optimistic. Mostly to try to get me to smile. I haven't smiled for seven years now. "Spencer, you have a visitor." My head shot up…it couldn't be. I must be dreaming again…I thought those stupid dreams stopped already, I was tormented by them enough. Then he came in…Derek Morgan…my once best friend. He looked older…more like an adult now rather than the cocky ladies man I remembered.

"Reid…I know it's…been some time…but I'm here to bring you something."

I simply stared at him; I was a bit curious to see why he came anyway. But also sad that it was the only real reason he came to see me.

"Reid…JJ died a week ago…she wanted you to have something."

He handed me a large wooden box. I eyed it but put it at his side, not bothering to open it. Morgan stared at me and then sighed.

"Reid…"

I turned away and walked to the window. I looked down and saw his car, a woman and a small child was waiting in it…waiting for Morgan.

I looked back at him. "You don't have to stay…you could have just sent it you know…after all you have a life out there…a wife and child…you're lucky…" It took all of my willpower not to cry.

Morgan looked at me and saw the tears in my eyes. "Please Reid…"

"You guys took any hope I had left…to live a normal life…my chance to be happy…I'm here now…"

"I'm planning on coming to visit more often…at least once a week."

I turned and gave him a cold stare, "WHY! Your just here out of guilt. Once it fades you'll never come back…I've been in here for ten years Morgan…for seven of those years, I was here alone. I HATE you…ALL OF YOU!"

"But Spencer…"

"GO TO HELL" I screamed. I lunged at Morgan and wrapped my hands around his neck. "You want to see how a crazy person reacts to being locked in these damn walls?"

Nurses and doctor ran into the room and retrained me. They injected him with a sedative and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. But the whole time I kept saying "Why…Why…Why?"

Normal POV 

Morgan left the room and ran to the bathroom. He splashed cold water in his face and looked up at the mirror. Spencer left some nasty bruises but nothing too bad.

He sighed and a choked sob left his lips. How could it have gotten this bad?

Still, just as Morgan promised, he came to visit Spencer again next week.

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**Also I would like to know if you would want me to continue it or not. **


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Criminal Minds

Enjoy

I was eating my lunch when Morgan came back just as he promised, he looked tired. I don't bother to look at him; I just hoped he would leave quickly. He walked over to the table I was eating at and put a large book on the table.

"It's by Chaucer" he said. I still don't look at him, he's just trying to win my trust and then soon enough he'll leave for good once his conscience is settled. He sat down across from me; I just keep eating and looking down at my sandwich.

"The…rest of the team wants to visit you…soon."

I stop eating and look up at him; my mind is swimming with rage but also curiosity. "Why?"

His eyebrows rose, "Because they miss you of course." I put down my fork and gave him a cold glare. "Since when do you guys care about me? The whole reason you locked me in here was to keep me away…so…that day wouldn't happen again."

Morgan sighed, "What we did we're not proud of but it's for your own good."

Spencer looked down at his food, how could he forget what had happened.

**Flashback-11 years ago**

"Hey Spence…we have another case" said JJ. Spencer nodded and finished up some last minute paperwork. As he got up he saw someone on the other side of the office. A man in a trench coat and a large black hat. The man looked at him with red eyes that made his skin crawl. "Hello" Spencer asked. The man smiled and walked closer. "Got another case…I don't see why you bother…" Spencer backed up, "Why are you here? How did you get into the office?"

"Reid…"

Spencer turned around and saw Morgan looking at him, "…Who are you talking too?"

Spencer looked back and saw the man was gone, "Oh no one…let's get to the meeting room, we have a case."

Spencer would soon realize that the man would come back and with others as well.

**End Flashback**

"How is everything here…are they treating you well" asked Morgan.

"Yes…the meds stop…me from seeing them…but it makes me drowsy all the time and I sometimes faint. They also ask as a relaxer, to keep my emotions in check…"

Morgan looked down at the table for a moment and then looked back up, "I see…did you look in the box yet?"

Spencer shook his head. "You should soon…I think you'll like it."

"What's it like" Spencer suddenly asked.

"What's what like?"

"The outside world…the office…the team… being free?"

Morgan blinked and then spoke, "Well…I have a wife now. Her name is Becky. I have a son named Ben. As for the team…Hotch is still a single father. Jack is going to college soon…Henry is in high school now. Garcia and Kevin are married; they have two daughters, Lily and Ginger. They work as computer techs for a major corporation now. Prentiss got married and now has one son, George. She is a lawyer now. Rossi is retired and has adopted a girl, Lindsey, a few years ago but is still unmarried. Other than that not much has changed."

"What happened to JJ?"

Morgan sighed, "Well…she…"

Suddenly the doctor came in, "I'm sorry, visiting hours are up. Spencer has to go for his therapy session now."

Morgan got up, "I hope you like the book…I'll be back next week."

Spencer nodded and watched him leave. The doctor walked him to the room down the hall and sat him in a chair.

One of the doctors came into the room with a clipboard and sat down in another chair.

"Hello again Spencer…how are you feeling today?"

"Alright I guess."

"Good…do you still have nightmares?"

"Sometimes…the meds help…"

"Good, good…do you still see them? The figures in your mind?"

"No."

"Roger…Alice…Eddy?"

"No I still don't see them…sometimes in my dreams though."

"Good…alright, the new medications are working as expected. But I'm going to increase the dosage and give you a small dose of anti-depression medication…the nurse has said you haven't been eating too much and are showing signs of serious depression. You may go now Spencer."

A nurse came in and brought him into the lounge. She sat Spencer down on a comfortable couch and gave him the book that Morgan brought him. "We have some new books on the self if you want to read them after that one, ok?"

Spencer nodded and started to read.

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	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I was lying down on my bed, trying to rest. I felt so dead inside, the drugs they were giving me turned me into a zombie…well almost but pretty close. Still the meds helped…they made them disappear and that's all that mattered. I spent most of the day thinking about JJ. A tear fell from my cheek when I did. The woman who, in a way, shares a special place in my heart…and always will. She made me a godfather…then took that away once I was brought here. It crushed me when I found out that she made Morgan the godfather of Henry. It showed how much they didn't care…how much they didn't want a crazy person around.

**Flashback- 10 years ago.**

Since that first day I saw Roger, two more people started to show up in my mind, Alice and Eddy. Roger always wore black and was always moody. He only saw the negative in everything and kept telling me how no one on the team really cared. Alice was a beautiful blonde woman; she looked so much like JJ. She would talk to me like a mother to a child. She could hold me and tell me that it's safer with her not with the team or anyone else. Eddy was mean and cruel in every way. He would always walk around the team and tell me how good it would be for them to simply go away and just enjoy being alone. Making dirty side comments and evil snickers at my teammates.

I was on my couch one night, we finished up a case recently and I was so tired. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find Hotch and Morgan standing there. "Reid…may we talk to you about something?"

I nodded and let them in. I closed the door and looked back at them. "What is it?"

Morgan motioned me to sit on the couch and so did they.

"Reid…we have noticed that you have been acting well…out of sorts for quite some time" said Hotch.

"Yeah man…whenever we share a room on a case…I would hear you talking to yourself in the bathroom. This has been going on for months now" said Morgan.

"Also you seem more paranoid and unsure at work and on cases. Its hindering your work Reid."

I sat frozen to the couch, I could feel myself shake. This is it…I'm going to be sent away for good.

But then Morgan laid a hand on my shoulder, "We know that work is stressful…so we want to help you and let you know if you need someone to talk too, we're right here, ok?"

I nodded and they left, but not before both of them gave me a hug which was a bit out of character for them.

"They're going to send you away regardless you know" said Roger.

I sighed…god I hated Roger so much.

**End Flashback**

Morgan came to visit me when I was reading in the lounge area. He sat down near me and I looked up to see he had been crying.

"Morgan…what's wrong?" He gave a sad smile, "Oh its nothing…it's just…issues…"

"Is it about your wife?"

Morgan glared at me, "I used to be a profiler remember…I may be crazy but I'm not stupid."

Morgan sighed, "Yeah…she is showing the signs that she may be having an affair. Coming home late for no reason…when she picks up the phone she goes in the other room…she hasn't been talking to me and neglecting our son as well."

"Morgan…it may not be true but if it is…just remember that it's not your fault…because she's missing out on having the best husband in the world."

He looked up and gave me a smile. For a moment I smiled…for the first time in a long, long time, I gave a true blue smile. But then my mind tells me that this happiness is only short lived…soon he will leave for good.

"Thanks Reid…I needed to hear that."

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After a while, he left to go home. I was taken back to my room and I sat on my bed. So many memories were swimming in my head it almost hurt. Then I noticed a small bird sitting at the window. I reached through the bars and petted its soft feathers. Then it flew away, I watched it flew through the sky and then disappear from sight. It was at the moment I realized that I had nothing left to live for…I was stuck here with nothing….just nothing. My life was over the moment I stepped into this room. I spent years with hopes of leaving and everything being ok but they never came true.

I was so sick and tired of just wondering what it would have been like to have had a family and tons of friends and maybe a really nice house. I would dream of having a childhood where I had my mother and father healthy and happy. They would tell me stories and give me kisses. Then I would dream of seeing my team smiling at me and laughing. But then I would wake up with my arms extended upward. I was reaching for them…

After the bird flew away…I fell to the ground and cried loudly. Sobbing and weeping but no one was there to hold me or to tell me it was going to be ok again. So I made my decision on what to do.

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	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I woke up in a bed…but it wasn't my bed…and I wasn't in my room. When I tried to sit up I saw I was strapped down to the bed. My neck was hurting a bit but my mind was so hazy that I couldn't think straight. The room I was in had bright, white walls and a large window. Soon enough I realized I was in a hospital bed. But why?

After several minutes, after I woke up, a doctor came into the room. "Spencer…I'm one of the doctors in the hospital wing of the mental institution. Yesterday…we found you in your room. Do you remember what happened?"

Suddenly it all came back to me…I tried to hang myself. I used the sheets on my bed and tied them to the bars. Then I wrapped the ends around my neck and spunk around to tighten it so much that it stops me from breathing. But then just before I passed out, doctors and nurses rushed in and stopped me.

I sighed as he walked closer to my bed. "Spencer…because of this…you'll be placed under watch in a different room and your time outside will be limited…until we can trust you to not harm yourself. Also your medications will be increased as well."

Spencer looked up at him, "We'll I still be able to see…Morgan?"

The doctor nodded, "We think it would be good for you to still have visitors."

The doctor left, leaving Spencer to his thoughts.

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When Morgan returned he was surprised to find that Spencer was in a different room. He saw Spencer sitting on a bed but it had no sheets.

"Reid…"

I looked up at him a frowned, "Hi...the doctors didn't tell you huh."

"…Tell me what?"

"That I tried to kill myself…"

Morgan stood frozen to the floor, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. He rushed towards me and…he hugged me. I was shocked but I also had tears in my eyes.

"Reid…I'm so sorry…I'm sorry for everything…I'm sorry for leaving you here for years…But don't hurt yourself…we still care for you so much…"

I was still shocked by his words and being held like this…for ten years I wasn't touched…being touched like this was almost too much for me. I started to cry again but more loudly now. Morgan looked up and held me close. I cried in his arms and he let me for a long time. He didn't complain or try to stop me. He simply held me and gently rubbed my back.

For the first time I felt that I could hope again and believe that everything will be alright again.

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After several weeks I was back in my old room. The medications were reduced and I was back in the lounge reading again. But now I felt more…happy…calm…and simply at peace with myself. Still I longed to see the outside again.

However when Morgan came to visit me…he came with the rest of the team. I was sitting in my room when I heard a group of people walking down the hallway and into my room. Then Morgan came in and I smiled, but then the smile turned into a frown when Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss, and Garcia came into the room. I still held deep hatred for them…and still a little for Morgan too, after all they left me to rot ere for ten years.

"Hi Reid" said Garcia.

I didn't move or even smile.

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	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Criminal Minds

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The silence in the room was suffocating. I felt the same rage he felt the day they carted me away to the mental hospital. They looked at me, pity and guilt shinning in their eyes. It irritated me even more.

**Flashback- 10 years ago**

"Reid, be careful going into the house. The unsub is armed and had three women held hostage" said Hotch over the radio in my hand.

"Ok."

I went into the house as quietly as I could, while the team distanced the unsub with the megaphone and police light in the front of the house. Thus leaving the women alone. I found them in the cellar under the house. Quietly but quickly I got them up the stairs and out the back door. But before I could leave, the unsub caught me and had me in a headlock. My gun fell out of my hand when he grabbed me. Struggling and yelling for him to get off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a baseball bat.

"Smash his head in" screamed Roger. I grabbed the bat and hit in his the forehead once. He fell down and started shaking. But that wasn't enough for me…no he would hurt…he would hurt badly. I began swinging and swinging, hitting his head with brutal force. His head split open and his blood was everywhere.

Roger, Eddy and Alice were cheering me on the whole time. It was when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me that I screamed and turned to hit whoever was holding me. I swung at everything around me. Then I heard him.

"REID STOP IT! REID!"

Morgan kept shouting at me but I didn't listen…I kept screaming.

Hotch and Rossi witnessed what happened as well. They looked stunned but I also noticed that there were tears in Hotch's eyes.

We left the house and I was taken to the hotel. The others went to talk in the other room.

"Hotch…this is enough…he is not well" said Rossi. "First he's talking to himself, then he starts getting angry all the time, no he's beating someone to death…Hotch…I think we'll have to make the call" said Rossi with a sad sigh.

Morgan looked up at him, angry in his eyes. "No were are not…that man was a murderer and a rapist…its good he's gone…but Reid…he did it out of self defense…Reid is FINE…we'll help him."

Hotch sighed, "Morgan…I'm not sure we can anymore…"

"Please…let's just try harder."

"…Fine."

In the end the beating was made to be out of self defense, after all no one really cared what happened so long as he was gone for good.

But I realized that it was a grave mistake for them to not make the call. I realize that now but I still hurt to be taken here to rot for the rest of my life.

**End of Flashback**

I didn't want to look at them…it hurt so much. Hotch sat next to me and Morgan sat on the other side of me.

"Reid…how are you" asked Hotch. I didn't answer.

"Reid…please" he said, but I still don't answer.

"Just…go away" I finally said after a few minutes.

Garcia moves closer to me to try to touch my shoulder but I flinch away at her touch. "Please…just leave me."

"No were are not leaving Reid…what we didn't was wrong…to leave you and never visit" said Hotch.

"Please…go…please" tears are pouring down my face. It hurts so much to see them. So many painful memories came up again. The years I spent waiting for them to come. I remembered the last time I saw them up until this point. They said they would be back before I knew it. But that was it. They lived and laughed and grew. I just sat here and waited.

"Reid…please Reid…we want to make it up to you" said Prentiss.

I looked up at them, "How could you possibly make this any better. I'm stuck in a prison. I'm labeled as a crazy person. I always will be. I haven't been outside in ten years. I haven't even felt grass beneath my feet in all those years. How can you help me when I'm stuck in this hell?"

They were silent.

I kept crying but this time Morgan didn't hold me, which made me cry more. "Reid…we talked to the doctors…and they are allowing us to take you home for a few weeks…"

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	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I stood in the lobby along with a nurse to watch me. I was given normal clothes to wear, courtesy of Rossi. A black shirt, jeans and a pair of converses. It felt so strange to be standing out here, just a few feet from the world outside of these walls. I was truly frightened but yet in a way excited to be free, even if it was only temporary.

Soon enough, they came into the lobby. Fake smiled on their faces, they were trying to get me to smile. "Reid…you're going to be staying with me at my house. We…uh…have arranged a small picnic for you later today. It's at a park, I think you'll like it" said Hotch. I nodded but didn't say anything.

They signed some papers that the nurse handed them and then they took me outside. When I stepped through the door, I stopped. The others looked at me, concern written on their faces. I looked around I saw…people…cars…a city moving at the speed of light. I was so overwhelmed by just being out her for one minute that my knees buckled and I feel to the ground. Morgan quickly grabbed me and both he and Hotch helped me to my feet. I had tears in my eyes.

Morgan picked me up and carried me to the car. I was gently placed into the back seat and buckled in. Tears were still falling from my eyes.

The drive was silent.

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I sat in my new room and looked around for a moment. The room had a warm feel, not like my room at the hospital at all. I felt safer here but when Hotch entered the room, that feeling faded.

"Reid…lets go the picnic is ready" he said gently.

I nodded and we both walked out to the car and drove to the park.

I sat in the passenger seat and remained silent.

"Reid, please understand we want to help…"

"Just stop Hotch…please not now."

Hotch sighed and the rest of the drive was silent. During that time I gazed out the window. Everything looked the same. I saw people walking down the street, families, friends and people talking on cell-phones. Then at a stoplight I saw a man buying his daughter some ice cream. He wore glasses and looked like a professor of some sort. The little girl at the ice cream happily then she hugged her dad.

I can hardly remember my dad…I don't even remember if he ever hugged me or gave me kisses. I thought about mom, my heart sank even further. Then I saw the man pick the girl up and they smiled. It was like the world was mocking me that I can't have that kind of life and that I'm barred forever from this world. Soon enough, Hotch parked in the parking lot and we walked to a lake nearby. There, the team and their families were enjoying themselves. Hotch started to walk there but I stayed still.

I didn't want to go. I knew the moment I did, they would stop and look at me. Their children and spouses would look at me as if I was some freak or monster that should be locked up. Leaving the hospital was a horrible mistake.

Hotch noticed that I wasn't moving so he walked back and took my wrist gently to take me to the picnic, I still refused to move. "Come on Reid…it will be ok."

I shook my head, "Please…take me home."

Hotch was a bit surprised by my request. "Reid, this party is for you…just trust us ok."

I looked at him, my eyes narrow. "You guys lost my trust the moment I was put away…just take me home."

Hotch shook his head and gripped my wrist even tighter, "Reid we are trying to help you."

"No you're NOT, your making it worse taking me out of the hospital and out into the world. Let me go Hotch" I yelled.

Suddenly I yanked my wrist out of his hand and ran away from him and the party. "REID" he shouted but I kept running. I knew that now Hotch and the others would be chasing me, so I ran into the woods that were near the lake. I ran so much and hardly knew where I was…but I didn't care.

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I sat on a log to rest, I was lost but I felt much better now. I had my medication in my pocket; I was going to take them at the picnic but now would be a good time too. I swallowed the disgusting pills and took a deep breath. I was so peaceful in the forest. Alone with no walls… just trees and grass. I felt safe again and like I could just melt in the serenity of the forest.

I closed my eyes and could feel myself drifting away in the calm and quiet of the forest. I didn't notice the figure lurking in the trees nearby, the man gave a sinister smile when he saw me.

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Hotch and Morgan stopped to catch their breath. The others split up to find Spencer while they checked out the south part of the forest.

"REID" they shouted. Morgan was beyond worried but also a bit upset that he just ran off like that. It made Morgan feel even guiltier then before. When Reid started to cry when the team showed up for the first time, he couldn't bring himself to hold him, the shame and guilt overwhelmed him. He felt as if he had failed his baby brother, his friend that stood by him through thick and thin. He and the team is the reason why Spencer was so lost and miserable. He took away Spencer's smile…his heart and his hope. The guilt crushed him.

As they continued the search, they noticed a piece of cloth on a log. Near it was a note. When Hotch opened it, his eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped. When Morgan read the note, he dropped to his knees. Hotch called the others to tell them what they found, his hand shaking as he dialed their numbers.

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	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I woke up to the sound of a radio. It was a blues song of some sort but my head was too foggy to figure out which song it was. I heard the sound of an engine as clarity slowly came back. I turned my head to see it was dark…it was nighttime. I tried to move but then I realized that my wrists and ankles were tired together by rope. My heart began to race as I tried to get myself free.

"Don't try to escape" I heard suddenly and I looked up to see someone on the driver's seat. I couldn't see him in the darkness but he looked big and didn't sound so friendly.

Fear gripped my heart so tightly that I could barely breathe. But then I realized something…its late, I've been out for a few hours at most. I needed my meds; I had to take them every six hours. Tears were rolling down my face…they would come back without my meds…I didn't want them to come back.

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_Dear BAU team,_

_ It's so nice to finally contact the "family" of Spencer. Or at least you used to be until you decided to abandon him to the mad house. At least I never leave my loved ones behind. He's in much better hands now. For so long he has suffered by YOUR hands, but now he can be happy. I'll make sure of it._

Morgan read the letter over and over; his mind reeling over the fact that the person he considered his younger brother has been kidnapped. But by who and why was the real question.

The others sent the letter over to forensics to find any fingerprints or traces on the letter. Unfortunately nothing was found, the kidnapper was smart to say the least. The team was in turmoil, they lost Spencer, their dear friend, who was also a mentally-ill young man. Still Hotch and the others blamed themselves for him getting kidnapped. They had to bring him outside of the safe walls of the hospital. Instead of making things better, they made it much, much worse.

"Why would anyone want to kidnap Reid" said Prentiss as they all stood around the table at the office.

Morgan sighed, "Maybe he truly believes that Reid is much better off with him then us. Because we failed him."

The team was silent…because he was telling the truth. They did fail him, how could they forget that horrible day, ten long years ago.

**Flashback- 10 years ago**

Spencer sat in a local coffee shop, just two blocks from the office. He was exhausted and his "friends" were not giving him any peace. Roger was constantly telling him to just quit and go home, Alice was coddling him as usual, but Eddy was getting on his last nerve. Teasing him and making rude remarks about everyone in the store. At one point a woman walked up to him and gave him a cold look. "Hey, you've been sitting here for twenty minutes. Your coffee is already cold and I want to sit down and drink my coffee. So do you mind getting off your butt?" Spencer looked up at her but didn't move.

"Please Miss…I just need some peace and quiet right now…" he said softly but that only made the woman more upset.

"Hey I said GET UP."

She pushed him and his eyes lit up with rage. "So Spencer, you going to take that from this bitch. This snobby little tramp" said Eddy.

Spencer gave an evil smirk and raised his gun from his holster and pointed it at the woman.

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The team was VERY lucky that no one in that coffee shop was killed. Even more lucky that no one pressed charges. They managed to talk Spencer into giving them his gun but they also had to give him a sedative as well…which they hated doing.

Spencer was asleep in one of the offices; the team was in the meeting room.

"Strauss will make me fire him" said Hotch.

"We'll have to watch him more closely now…more appointments at the doctor…" said JJ.

"We have to make the call" said Prentiss.

They looked up at her, "No way Emily, we are not…"

"DO YOU SEE ANY OTHER WAY MORGAN" shouted Rossi. No one said anything.

JJ hung her head as the tears started to fall. Garcia ran out of the room, sobbing loudly. Hotch sat in one of the chairs, trying to do everything he could to keep his tears at bay. Morgan kept cussing quietly and even punched the wall a few times. Prentiss sat in one of the chairs, silent and clearly upset. Rossi took out his phone and sighed as he dialed the number.

**End Flashback**

The team regretted doing that so much but they felt it was the right thing to do. But it was wrong to stop visiting him, to stop giving him hope and comfort.

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I woke up when I heard the engine stop and the man opening and shutting his door. He opened my door and carried me to the large house in the distance. It was clear that he was a strong man, could out match Morgan even. I was carried to a large room on the second floor. There were books all over the room, my eyes lit up. I also saw a bed, some lamps, a TV, a radio and a door to a bathroom. He placed me on the bed and chained my right hand to the bed frame. "Dinner will be ready soon, don't run away now. Oh and before I forget…" He took out a bag of meds…my meds. Hot did he now those were my medication and that I was a mental patient.

He handed me the meds and then left the room.

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	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Criminal Minds

I'm sorry for the confusion in the last chapter, JJ is DEAD, I was supposed to write Prentiss in that sentence, I was writing that chapter at 3am so my brain was half asleep, but I wanted you guys to have another chapter. Anyway sorry about that error and also thanks for addressing it in the reviews so I could fix it.

Also, I really want to thank you all for the wonderful reviews and the fact your reading this story. I never expected it to be full story rather than the simple one-shot I had in mind in the past.

Enjoy

I sat on the bed, frightened of what was to come. Was this man going to hurt I? I wasn't sure.

Suddenly he came back into the room and smiled, "Dinner is ready, I'll take you downstairs. Be good or…well you won't like the consequences." I nodded and the man carried him down to the kitchen. There at the table was a meal of chicken and rice. He sat me down at the table and chained my ankle to the chair. "Eat up before it gets cold" said the man. He sat in the chair across from me and started to eat his own meal.

I slowly started to eat, the food was good. I wondered if perhaps the man was a chef or worked in a cafeteria of sorts. "Funny I still think like a profiler after all these years" I thought. Still I wondered what game this man was playing. When the chicken and rice was eaten, he took the plates and put them in the sink. Then he carried me back to my room, he placed me back into the bed and chained my ankles. My eyebrows rose when he saw him take a few books and put them on Spencer's bed. He also went over to the radio and put on classical music. "I'll be back at eight to put you to bed." Then he left. I blinked, this all seemed so familiar…this is like a…routine. I wished I could remember what I was that made this seem so familiar.

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"Maybe we should look ask the hospital if anyone visited Reid at all" said Morgan.

The others nodded in agreement. They drove to the hospital, "I never thought the team would be back together like this, after Reid was brought here" said Prentiss. A smile crept up onto their faces but then disappeared quickly when they thought of Reid…they hoped he was ok.

Suddenly Morgan got a call from Garcia, "Pen, what's up?"

I got a list of everyone working or had worked at the hospital since Reid has been there."

"Baby-girl you don't work for the FBI anymore."

She giggled, "That may be true but I still have the computer magic I had back then."

"Did you find anything?"

"No…they all seem legit, no records or history. But the list is long and I'm still looking through it. I'll call you if I find something."

"Thanks."

He hung up and they all walked into the hospital.

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"As far as I'm concerned, there have been no problems with any of my staff since Spencer was here. Most have been laid off with the economy in all…but no real major concerns" said the Doctor.

"Are you sure" asked Hotch.

"…Wait…hang on a moment."

The doctor ran into his office and took out a file. "Zack Kingston…he was fired here a few years ago."

"Why?"

"Well he…he seemed very off around the patients. He coddled them like they were children. He also took very unusual interest in Spencer…when Spencer was heavily medicated at times…he would come in and…well rock him gently in his arms, comb his hair…uh…sometimes feed him. It was unnerving to me. So when I asked him about him, he lashed out violently. I had to fire him."

The others looked at each other, "Here take a look at the file, since you and Morgan over here are still in the FBI anyway."

Hotch took the file and read over it. "Zack lost a child…he was thirteen… then his wife left him."

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	9. Chapter 9

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I was put to bed once it was eight. I was very tired but also terrified. Who was this man and why did he seem so familiar? Still I hope and pray that someone would come and save me. I thought about my team…as much as I hated them, I wanted to see them again. Then I thought about the wooden box that JJ left me that I never opened. I wondered what was inside and also I wondered why she died in the first place. I never had the chance to know.

I soon fell asleep with my mind full of thoughts of JJ as I remembered her so many years ago.

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"So no known address on Zack, no credit cards, no job, no nothing" said Garcia. "This guy became a ghost after he got fired."

Morgan sighed, "Thanks anyway but keep looking."

"On it, I'll call you when I have something." Morgan hung up the phone and sighed. How could this have happened, he thought.

Hotch put his hand on his shoulder, "We'll find him, if we could catch psychopaths and killers like we did with the team, we can save Reid."

Morgan nodded and continued to look though files about Zach.

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I woke up to the sound of my door opening; the man walked into the room and sat down on my bed. My heart began to race, what was he planning to do? He took out a comb and…started to brush my hair. I nearly jumped when he started to run the comb through my hair. At first I was stunned, but then realized that he wasn't really trying to hurt me at all, but why is the real question.

"You have too much hair you know? I'll bring you down for breakfast once you're washed up and dressed."

I blinked, "This man is either crazy or has a serious elaborate scheme up his sleeve, to win my trust or something" I thought.

After several minutes, he stops and takes me downstairs to have breakfast. Pancakes with maple syrup. I started to eat when I noticed he didn't sit to eat this time, he left the room completely. I wanted to get up but my ankle was chained down. It was at that point I saw a cell phone on the counter. A prepaid one most likely, one that Garcia won't be able to track. Since my ankle was attached to the chair I tried to move the chair quietly. Inch by inch I moved closer to the counter. I prayed that he wouldn't come back just yet. My heart pumping and my forehead covered in sweat I reached the phone and dialed Morgan's number quickly.

"Hello?"

"Morgan it's me Spencer…"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Spencer turned his head to see the man standing over him, his eyes lit up with rage.

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	10. Chapter 10

I don't own Criminal Minds

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I stood frozen to the chair; I was terrified of this man. The anger in his eyes made my blood run cold. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything. He took of my chains and grabbed me by my hair. He gripped it tightly and it hurt terribly.

"You DARE try to leave, I'm here to care for you not hurt you" he shouted in the heat of anger. He then flung me to the ground where I landed with a thud. The impact of the fall to the floor caused me to bang my head on the floor, it throbbed painfully now.

Then his anger subsided, "Oh no my god, Spencer I'll go get ice" he said as he hurried to the freezer to get an ice pack. He carried me to the bedroom and placed the icepack on my head. He then made sure I had no other injuries, "Lie still and I'll bring you some pain medication" he said then left the room.

I sighed, "I just want to get out of here…but then again where would I go? Back to my family that betrayed me in a heartbeat…to the hospital with those cold walls…no…I won't go back…I'm sick of walls."

It was then I eyed a sharp letter opener on the other side of the room…this time no one will be able to stop me.

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Morgan shot up when he found the file that might finally help them. "The family house, although its no deserted, is in his family name. It not far from the city, in fact it's not that far from the park that Spencer was abducted from" he said. Hotch looked at the file and nodded.

"Get everyone ready and a SWAT team ready as well."

Morgan ran back to his desk to call the others about the update, since they aren't FBI anymore they can't come with them.

But then suddenly he felt a shiver, like something terrible was going to happen but he brushed it aside and ran to his desk. They had little time and Hotch called the SWAT team, while hoping and praying that Spencer was still unharmed.

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I managed to get up from the bed, since the man forgot to chain me down. I lumped to the door and locked it; I even barricaded it for good measure. I looked back at the letter opener and lumped towards it.

I picked it up and sat down on the bed. "This is my end game", I thought. The place where my last breath will be and I can finally be free…from my mind…and my misery.

I stared at the blade for a long time, my memories of my life flooding my mind. My hopes, dreams, good and bad memories, and my friends. But they were gone now and I can't have them back…ever.

Tears fell from my eyes…I was silently hoping that someone would open that door and stop me. That person would tell me that I could get a second chance and start over. The person would hold me and tell me it's alright. I knew that wasn't going to happen.

Slowly I pointed the knife to my heart and my hands gripped the hilt of the blade tightly.

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	11. Chapter 11

I don't own Criminal Minds

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Morgan and Hotch drove as fast as they could to the house. They might when be breaking a record that the speed they were going.

Morgan couldn't stop that horrible feeling in his gut. Something was terribly wrong. He hoped he wasn't too late.

The SWAT team was racing behind them, while the others waited at the office, praying that Spencer was alive and unharmed.

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I sat on the bed with the knife in his hand and ready to take his life. I felt so…unsure now…I had no idea why but something was holding him back…but what. I had tears in my eyes again, I wanted so badly to be free but this feeling, this voice in the back of my mind was stopping me. Tears of frustration and misery flowed down my face. I wanted freedom yes…but at the same time…I wanted to be myself again…to be with my friends despite what they had done…to be with my dear mother again. Her smile and warm memories of her made more tears flow down my face.

Good memories…my friends…Gideon…seeing little Henry when he was a newborn…spending time in Garcia's office when my leg was injured.

Then the bad memories…Tobias…the drugs…the unsubs that haunted my mind.

But still I couldn't use the letter opener, I couldn't do it.

Then…I finally dropped the knife.

After several moments I heard pounding on the door, I never registered that the man has been banging on the door for several minutes. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts and grief.

I sat on the bed and didn't move an inch.

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Morgan and Hotch finally reached the house and got out their guns. Hearts pounding and adrenaline rushing, they kicked open the door and rushed in. The SWAT team behind them. Morgan ran upstairs to the sound of yelling. He saw Zach banging on the door and screaming. Morgan was able to subdue him in an instant. He was handcuffed and taken away by the SWAT team. Morgan kicked in the bedroom door and found Spencer sitting on the bed with a knife at his feet.

Morgan slowly walked up to him and touched his shoulder. Spencer looked up at him and smiled.

"You came" he said.

Morgan nodded, "Of course Spencer…"

He then hugged Spencer and small tears fell down his cheeks while Spencer cried in his arms.

Spencer felt as if he was going to be alright. Morgan was relieved but also scared when he saw the knife. He vowed to make sure that Spencer would never have to do that again. That he would help him no matter the cost, sacrifice or whatever was in his way.

He would save Spencer from the walls of the hospital and the walls that were Spencer's misery.

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	12. Chapter 12

I don't own Criminal Minds

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Spencer moved in with Morgan after he was in the hospital for two days and is now overseeing Spencer's care. Everyone was relieved that he was alright.

Spencer was never happier, his family was together again, going out and spending time together.

He got so visit his mom, he never felt so happy when his mom ran to him and hugged and kissed him silly.

However, when Morgan's wife didn't want Spencer in the house, Morgan heavily protested. But when Spencer found a pair of boxer shorts under the couch that wasn't Morgan's she became silent.

She filed for divorce and would you believe that Prentiss was Morgan's attorney when it came to decide which parent would oversee Morgan's son's overall care. Long story short, Morgan won the case and half of the possessions in his house would go with her, but who card he had his son.

Morgan brought Spencer to JJ grave on peaceful Sunday afternoon. He left Spencer to give him time alone. Spencer brought the wooden box that Morgan gave him months ago.

"I thought we should open it together" he said to the grave.

Inside the small box was a pair of stubs from a red-skins football game and a small letter.

Dear Spence,

Remember that date we had so long ago, before Henry, Will or when Gideon leaving? So many years have passed, but not a day goes by were I don't miss you. I'm sorry for every tear I caused you. But remember I love you and so does the rest of the team.

Just remember,

_Love is timeless, and you are never forgotten by those who hold you in their hearts._

With love for all time,

JJ

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	13. Bonus Chapter

I don't own Criminal Minds

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**This is special bonus chapter: How JJ really died and more insight to Spencer's time in the mental hospital. **

JJ was driving home from work, it was a stressful day and she just wanted to go home to her family. The street home was dark and it made her mind rethink about memories that she thought she had sealed off in the deepest, darkest corner of her mind.

**Flashback-**

"Hey Spence" she said as she went into Spencer's room at the hospital. He didn't respond so she sat down next to him on the small bed.

"I got you a book…it's about astronomy, but you probably know ever there is to know about that topic."

Still he said nothing. "Spence please…try to understand we had to send you here. It's for your own good…"

Still he said nothing.

"For god sake Spencer" she said as she got up, her fists clenched at her sides.

"Do you think I'm happy you're here? I want you to come home and everything to be normal again!"

Spencer looked up at her and snarled, "Lair…"

JJ froze, shocked by his statement, "W-what…"

"You heard me…I know what you did the week after I was sent here…you made Morgan Henry's godfather, even though I was…your happy that I'm out of the picture and not a threat to him aren't you?"

"Spencer please…it's not like that…"

"Then please tell me why you don't want Henry around me…oh that's right, because I'm insane is that it. That now I'm an "Ill" person; I should be kept as far away from you and everyone else."

"Please Spencer…"

"GET THE HELL OUT JJ!"

She ran from the room and sat in the bathroom crying her eyes out.

**End flashback**

JJ felt the tears threaten to fall as she thought about Spencer. She felt so guilty about what she did, she basically destroyed the last bit of hope and faith he had with his friends by denying him to be Henry's godfather. From that point on, he slipped further and further away, this was mostly there fault since they stopped visiting him a few years ago.

She hated herself now; she abandoned a dear friend of her's.

It sting deep in the pit of her stomach. As she drove she didn't see the car that went through a red light and in doing so, plowed right into her car.

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	14. Bonus Chapter 2

I don't own Criminal Minds

**I know, I'm really doing a second bonus chapter. I reread the story recently and I felt that one important detail wasn't touched upon during the story. Spencer's mother. So here we go for a mini chapter.**

Enjoy

Diana Reid sat in an armchair near a window on a rainy day. She stared out at the rain that seemed to be like a waterfall on the cool glass. She wanted to go outside and read today but not everyone can have everything.

She thought about many things while sitting in her chair, but she mostly thought about her dear son Spencer. He was her pride and joy in life. Her baby boy and she could only be proud of him. She remembered when he was first born. When she first saw that sweet, cooing baby with soft brown hair.

**Flashback:**

"Mrs. Reid, would you like to hold your baby?"

She nodded and held her arms out when the nurse brought over a small, pink infant in a blue blanket and cap.

The baby didn't fuss so much but snuggled into her arms like a kitten. The baby cooed and made little noises as she stared down at her first and only child. William Reid walked over to the bed and looked down at his son. With eyes glowing with joy and wonder, he too picked up the baby boy. He cradled him in his arms and kissed his soft hair.

"Oh he's just perfect" cried Diana. William nodded in agreement as he looked at his sleeping son. He placed the baby back into his mother's arms when the doctor asked William to sign some papers.

Diana looked down at the baby and smiled when he opened his tiny brown eyes. He looked at his mother curiously. Then with a small arm he reached for his mother.

"Oh something tells me you're going to be something amazing when you grow up..."

The baby yawned and closed his eyes again. "Diana, do you have idea for a name" asked William as he walked back to the bed.

"I think Spencer would be a good name. Don't you?"

William nodded, "I like that name." With his finger he held his baby's little hand, "Our little Spencer Reid."

**End Flashback**

Diana had tears in her eyes after remembering her son. She hadn't heard from in for ten years. She wept thinking that her poor son may be dead or in trouble.

Suddenly, she saw two people coming into the lounge room and looked up. There in the doorway was her son and a man she remembered…Derek Morgan. She got up and cried, her son was alive and well.

Spencer had tears in his eyes and went over to his mother. He held her as she wept loudly.

"I'm so sorry mom…."

She looked up at her son and smiled, "I'm just so happy that you're here. Where were you Spencer?"

"I have a lot to tell you mom…." He looked down in shame.

Diana listened intently as Spencer explained everything. The mental hospital, his kidnapping and then his recovery. When he cried into her shoulder, she held him close and kissed his forehead.

"Spencer, no matter what happens; you're still my perfect baby boy."

Diana held his son as she did when he was first born.

To her, whether he was a baby or an adult, Spencer Reid was her child and she would hold him till the day she died.

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